- Will that customer really walk away if things sometimes go rough? Well, probably not, but friction.
- Have you previously given a lesser presentation with such dire consequences? Not that.
- Or heard that from others? Also not.
- If all goes well, this discussion will lead to Energy: the beliefs are valuable but not as absolute as they have become in your head. A nuanced belief leads to energy.
In other words, you put a Chief VP Marketing Officer Email Lists Belief between Action and Consequence. Then the Discussion with yourself leads to Energy.
Don’t flee in positivity
In recent years there has rightly been a lot of attention for positive psychology, as a result of which psychologists study how success works, which makes employees enthusiastic in addition to the classic attention for dysfunction.
In cognitive therapy you learn to critically examine what you see and then find and feel. During my contribution in a meeting, someone frowns and asks critical questions. That makes you even more tense. In cognitive therapy you are challenged to critically examine what is happening (frown) and what it does to you (tension) (is that about you, is a critical question critical of you?), and then put emotions into perspective.
The latter is easily seen as thinking where you have to see something positive. Are you suddenly fired? Finally more time to be with the kids! Canceled your holiday? Finally more time to work around the house! You break your collarbone while cycling? Enjoy being cared for in the hospital!
If you fall hard from your bike and break something, it hurts. A broken collarbone is impractical. That includes very human emotions. After that primary reaction, the trick is to see what has happened for what it is, no more and no less. If someone says you should see your broken collarbone positively, the Stoic would say that a broken collarbone is a broken collarbone. No more and no less. Whatever you think and do with it, you can work with it. But that doesn’t mean a broken collarbone is fun and should be welcomed with cheers.
Stoic thinking: what can you influence and what not?
An important lesson from the Stoics is to distinguish between things that you can influence and things that are beyond your control. With the circle of influence and the circle of involvement, Stephen Covey has made that clear to many of us.
Reality is divided into two categories, that which is in our power and that which is not in our power – Epictetus
The trick is not to worry about things that are beyond your control. As logical as that is, it can be so difficult. That non-performing colleague shouldn’t be getting that promotion! It just rained the day I organized a picnic! Someone who cuts me in traffic shouldn’t get away with that!
For all the above cases, the question is simply: can you do something about it? If not, there’s no point in worrying about it. Then don’t do that.
Therapist and writer Albert Ellis calls this two problems for the price of one. You are in a traffic jam and are going to be late for an appointment. That is a problem. You become more and more tense and restless. That’s the second problem you take in. The latter is not necessary. After all, that stress doesn’t help you. In fact, perhaps because of that stress you take a wrong turn or change lanes without looking closely. Mark Manson gives it even more color by callingare annoyed by your colleague and you are annoyed by yourself that you are annoyed by your colleague